This morning Mom called me saying she knew this will sound unbelievable, but she did not know where she was. She further said she had a dream that she had breakfast with people she didn’t know. Though she knew it was a dream, she still did not know where she was, even though she knew she was in her room.

From there she reverted to what happened in October 2015. As she did then, she asked me this morning if I was with our cousin (who lives in another state), and when we were coming home. It was difficult for her to see that her dream was not reality, and that being in her bedroom was real.

All this made me realize that I need help; help with taking care of her, as I fear she will soon start to wander, another characteristic of dementia.

As for me, I keep flunking the class of finances, I keep spending too much. This adds to my already frustrated state. My reaction to it all is eating. Not eating the right thing, and eating too much of it, as I feel my facial cheeks increase in size.

And yet God does not leave me while in my present state. Through the pressure of it all, He reminds me of the gifts He has placed inside me, and not to forget about them. Because of being a caregiver, I wonder if there will ever be a time when I can present them to the world; He assures me that time will come. But He also gives me another point to consider,

“The greater the pressure, the greater the promise; the greater the pressure, the greater the power.”  When the strength is gone, and you feel empty is when God provides the power needed to continue. Continuing through the tension, and through the pressure.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.  II Corinthians 4: 7-10

Having heard this from Pastor Steven Furtick during his message this morning I am thankful that God encouraged me today. It helps me to continue pursuing and living, and trusting the answers will come. Actually, being pressurized enables me to recognize and focus on God’s power, learning how to be empowered in the process.

You may be going through the same type of pressurization. I hope you grab onto the power God has given while being strengthenized for your journey.

I believe that when one is a caregiver, they do not allow themselves time to have fun.  At least that is my opinion about myself. The second thing is when the opportunity presents itself, I tend to feel bad for having done it.

Today was a “free day” for me. My mother told me she would stay home today, so I wouldn’t be rushing to take her to church and bring her home before I went to sing at another church. The day was mine to be free as a bird. 

I visited a church I used to be a member at, and saw some friends I hadn’t seen in months, and got to say a quick hello to the pastor. It was nice for many (who knew I was a caregiver for my mom) to compliment me on how well I looked.

Then it was off to another church for the afternoon to sing, something I love to do. I picked up the choir director, and off we went. The service was great, as was the singing, and afterwards, before taking him home we went out to dinner. The food was good, and I got some ribbing from my friend in the process (figuratively from him teasing me, and literally, as we went to a rib joint), but I had fun and relaxation, not to mention a full stomach from the tasty food I ate.

After taking my friend home, my mind started doing something I had to fight against: I was not out-of-order for wanting to go and sing, or to have dinner out. But I had to fight feeling guilty for doing it.  I suppose that is what others, who are so entrenched in caring for someone go through. But I encourage caregivers everywhere not to relent to that thought. Rather, enjoy your time away from giving of yourself to someone as a caregiver, and enjoy and be present in the moment, even if it is for a few hours; you deserve it, so embrace it.  Soon you will be back in the caregiver trenches of your loved one’s life, and it will come sooner that you know.

Hope you will embrace the opportunity when you can get away, and please, have fun and relaxation, and don’t feel guilty in the process.