All is Well

(This is a long one folks…)

A few days earlier I asked Mom if she wanted to go to church. It was Mothers’ Day, and I thought it a good idea to get her out of the nursing home for some fresh air, and to see familiar faces from her church. As it turned out (we struck out many times before for this outing), she acknowledged to me she wanted to go, and that she knew she turned me down when I asked her many times before.

So this time it seemed like a go. I contacted the nurses and the social worker who all approved her going out. So far, so good.

Yesterday: I got her five pairs of shoes for her to choose from, though I wasn’t sure of the size, I just guessed. Purchased her stockings. Now all that was needed was an outfit. I had a lot of her clothes at my place, so I would choose two outfits and bring them for her to make a choice.

Today: I got myself ready, gathered all the things I needed, and placed them in the wheel chair along with flowers I got for her, and off I went, asking God for things to go well. In the past, we would either have an argument or she would say she had nothing to wear or dressy shoes for her feet. This time I had all that and two outfits she could wear. She called me last night to make sure when I coming, and then called me this morning to double-check the time when I would get to her.

Once there, things just went off without a hitch. She was ready to try on the clothes, picked out her outfit and shoes, I brought a coat of mine for her to wear as it was a little breezy outside. Before long, I signed the sign out sheet, she took her medicine and we were off! Getting her in the car was fine, and the traffic wasn’t bad. As we got to church, many saw her and were happy to see her; that happened throughout the church service, and her pastor acknowledge her presence. Service was nice, and a couple of times songs were sung regarding the phrases All is Well, and from the hymn It is Well (I now know Someone was trying to tell me something) . Once I got her in the car, she wanted to go to a restaurant she hadn’t been to in months to get some food to take out. Perfect, I thought, because time-wise we were doing good.

And then it happened…and it happened fast.

She asked about her credit card, then we talked about bills, then how much she owed to stay at the nursing home, all things we had talked about numerous times. Of course she spoke as though we never had these conversations. I knew what was coming next: I was stealing from her; I took her credit card to use on myself, I stole her money to use on myself, then the name-calling started. Her favorite name for me is “You jackass! God is going to get you for this!” And on and on it went. Once she started down this road, I just said “yeah, Mom, I’m a jackass”, hoping agreeing with her would calm her down: it didn’t.

By the time we got to the nursing home, she didn’t want me touching her, and she refused to get out the car, yelling “Police, police! Help me!” I know it was God who put the idea in my head to call upstairs for help. Not long the nurse came (another jackass), and assisted me. I got some God-giving strength and pulled her out of my car (as she was screaming and trying to bite me) and put her into the wheelchair. That was the bulk of the battle. We eventually got her to her room as she continued the name calling. Again, strength came to me as I got her in the home’s wheelchair so I could take mine home, the whole time I thought, What happened?!!! This is Mothers’ Day.

Though the nurse told me I was a good daughter and gave me a hug, assuring me it was not her but the disease, which I agreed, it didn’t help the way I felt inside. I felt I was losing the battle of not allowing stuff like this to get to me.

I left and turned on K-Love radio in my car, and as I drove away I heard these familiar words in the song that was playing:

Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God

And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?
Then what can stand against?

This song could not have come at a better time than this. I cranked up the radio and sung along at the top of my lung capacity, fighting back tears in the process. I said to myself NO! I was not going to a restaurant and eat everything in sight (when my appetite was gone). NO! Though close to shopping centers I was not going to buy clothes and shoes. Not this time. 

Instead I went home, emptied my car of the wheelchair, at least happy to be home.

Regardless, All is Well, for God is with me, as He is with you

Happy Mothers’ Day to all.