With the pandemic happening, it is very challenging to stay in contact with Mom. For one, the phone in her room keeps needing repair. Secondly, when it is working, it has to ring for a long to allow for her to wheel herself to the phone.

This year I haven’t seen much of her because the nursing home has been shut down, not allowing any outside visitors. The last time I saw her was during the July 4th weekend, and after that, I had phone calls with her. I have to say I don’t look forward to making those calls.

I am noticing that while she sounds like my mother, she doesn’t talk like my mother. Her thoughts are not put together well. She asks about me and how I am doing, even though it is me she is talking to. During our conversation today, she asked me if I had talked to Debbie, and asked how she was doing. This time I did not bother to correct her by saying she was talking to Debbie, and I didn’t ask who she thought she was presently talking to. I told her Debbie was doing okay, and would try to arrange an appointment to come for a visit. The conversation wasn’t for long, and as my countenance fell, so to speak, I wanted to get off the phone, if I am honest. Talking to someone that is a shell of herself is disheartening.

However, I know I have to continue caring for her as best as I can, and continue to be the listening ear she so desperately needs. Hopefully the visit can be scheduled in a few days, and I can be there for her and lend a listening ear, regardless of if she makes sense or not. And regardless of how I feel, I must strive to be her caregiver, caring for her and meeting her needs as best I can. If the script was flipped, she would do the same for me…