“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:5,6

Today I did not visit mom; I will probably do that tomorrow. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking about her. Later this afternoon I received a call from the hospice nurse who visited my mother. Hospice now makes daily visits. Yesterday, she was not in good shape, not opening her eyes and not communicating. Today, her eyes did open, but the communication was moaning, indicating she was in pain. So, the morphine dosage was again increased, almost like she is getting a double dose now. Good news is the wounds have not increased, so there are no new ones. Bad news: the kennedy wound is not good, and frankly, none of the wounds will heal, all have a strong odor, as her body continues to break down. After the call, I had a concern about the morphine. It is a powerful drug, so when is it too much? She is getting a lot now, yet she still moans in pain. Though a pleasure tray is offered by the nursing home (applesauce and pudding, for example), but she wants none of it, which means she continues to resist eating and drinking water.

I have tried not to ask God to bring her to him, as I did not want to appear like I was being selfish. However, after the call today, it was like a revelation came to me: You can ask, you know?

My mother continues to lose weight and has not been eating or drinking for months. She appears to be in constant pain. Her communication has broken down to a moaning sound. Do I want this to continue? More importantly, would she want this to continue? The answer is no to both questions. So why not ask God to intervene, being specific in the request? I don’t feel like this is a selfish request. For my mother, I just want the pain to stop for her. I will ask for mercy and grace to be extended to her in a way that will stop her from what I call not living life while being alive.

As the first chapter of James states, I have to be intentional about the request, not wavering as I make the request. I can’t be like a boat tossed by the wind. I can’t be one of doubt regarding the request. I must believe that God will honor the request, and that must be according to what he wants. Being double-minded must not be involved.

Bottom line: I can ask, you know? I believe I will.