It’s been a while since posting. A lot has been going on.

For one, it’s been a time of thinking. I was expecting since my mother passed in June to be going through a lot of emotional issues. I can say that has not been happening, which makes me feel strange. Why am I not reacting or being down or depressed? Here is my theory.

While walking the dementia journey with my mom, perhaps that is when I went through multiple stages of grief during the almost eight years of our dementia journey. That included not sleeping, my mind endlessly spiraling wondering what to do next regarding her. There were times I sat up in my bed crying, wanting things to end, to stop the pain I was experiencing and the sickness she endured. When I got the call from the nursing home, the first thing I felt was relief.

That day early in the morning, the end of the journey became real. I remember after hanging up the phone how despondent I felt: no tears, and just staring at the darkness of the 3am morning as I sat on the edge of my bed.

And here I am months later, about to embark on something new. A new environment, an opportunity to live in a southern state. Learning again to live with my son Stephen, who by the way has just graduated from med school and wants me to move and be with him at his house he just purchased. In this day and age, it is honorable for adult children to offer this to their parents. I decided to take him up on his offer. Hopefully it will allow me to live in a different space. I have no reason to stay where I live now, as I was only here to care for my mother. And I always said that if anything happened to her, I would move to another city. Now that time has arrived.

This week my mother would have been 90 years old. For some weird reason I feel that by moving to another city I am abandoning her. I know I am not, but I think it anyway. I have to be patient with myself and allow these emotions to happen and not berate myself for feeling the way I do.

Another chapter is starting a business. I like creating short videos that are daily devotionals. Instead of reading words, they are created in a short video of 30 seconds to close to two minutes. Check it out on http://www.nh320.com. I am hoping this venture will be successful.

With God’s help, it will be.