Throughout today I kept hearing the word process. It got to the point I thought that would be the word of the day, something to write about. Whatever you are going through it is a process, defined as a series of actions that produce something or that lead to a particular result. So the process entails, among other things…

waiting     wanting    searching, while

proving    experiencing   being challenged  and extending (of oneself)

discovering the newness of a different paradigm

accepting    incorporating   including…

But until the process is complete, there is…

struggling in juggling between  the old way of doing things and the “now all things are become new.” Circumstances introduce change that is difficult to accept, but must be incorporated in life. Process comes in varying forms, packaged in ways that was not invited nor welcomed, but it comes nevertheless into our lives.

I struggle with wanting life to return what I consider normal, and I grapple with the newness of discovering that things will never be the same.  I am challenged with thoughts of waiting on the Lord to guide me to the right way, while searching for the correct answers.  I want a timetable of how much time is left with my mother, and at the same knowing that no one can give me that answer.

I continue to experience that God has not left me as he continues to keep his promises while I continue to discover them and Him. Within the struggle of it all, there is a knowing that I can’t explain, in that He continues to draw near while guiding me in the process…