Back To Reality But Not Alone…

Happy Veterans Day to all who serve and have served in the Armed Forces…

Because of the above federal holiday which gave me time off from work, I looked forward to use today to go to class. I am enrolled in an online graduate program called OpenSeminary at Palmer Theological Seminary, and this term is my last one. Because of caring for my mother, I did not have leave to take for this week of classes called residency, but was glad to at least get one day in.

As I approached the classroom, I saw classmate Marlize, and when our eyes met our arms started waving through the air with excitement as we ran towards each other and hugged, happy to see each other. Tears of happiness freely flowed out of me, I was so happy to be there. A few seconds later I saw her husband Pierre, and on and on it went, happy to see my wonderful and talented classmates and my dear Professor Wynand. As the day quickly progressed, I inwardly fought thoughts that this day like the ones earlier this would come to a swift close, but I did not want this particular day to end. One reason was my mind was on something else, which was a welcome change. The other reason was what I define as returning back to reality at day’s end, which included going back to work tomorrow, making calls I needed to make, touring the adult day care center on Friday and hoping it would be a good fit for my mother, going by my mother’s home to pick some things she requested, driving over an hour to see my mother tomorrow, just to name a few of the many things I needed to do. As I wrote in an earlier blog the real work is about to begin…

So when class was over, I didn’t want to leave. About ten minutes before class ended I started fighting with myself, desperately trying to hold back the tears that were quickly filling up. These tears were for different reasons than the ones from this morning. I was about to return to my reality, and frankly I didn’t want to leave. It was at the moment when I had my jacket on and keys in hand another classmate noticed me, took me by my hand and asked everyone to pray for me. The fight was over: the tears and the accompanying angst won. But it was also then that I realized I was not alone.

So thanks Lisa Monique for your powerful prayer and to my classmates who thought it not robbery to take the time to pray for me, to hug me, and to give me words of encouragement. I told the class I was in new territory, not knowing what to do, feeling guilty for having the inner battle, and feeling so tired, and I wanted the day to continue because I did not want to return to my reality of caring for my mother. The caring I felt at that moment from others of different ethnicities, representing cities from all over the world was overwhelming for me yet comforting at the same time, and for that I hope they read this blog so they will know I truly appreciated their show of the love of Christ.

 “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

I say all that to encourage caregivers to solicit support of others, those that will listen to your voice that may be laced with anger, fear, and weariness of heart. Go to a support group, talk to your pastor, priests, rabbis, friends, whoever is willing to create a space to hear your voice. Today God reminded me I was not alone, and you need to know the same…

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