Chasing the Wind…

Chorus: Everything is nothing, everything is never enough, without You. Everything is nothing, a little bit more will never measure up, gotta need  Your love…                                                                                      from the CD Chasing the Wind by KJ Scriven

The song describes what a man and a woman discover. The man, who tries to prove his worth by climbing the corporate ladder, realized there was “a whole down in his soul”. The woman thought she “found the one”, the one who would give her the love she was longing for. However, she realized he could not “fit the shoes that were made for God alone”.

For the majority of today this chorus of Scriven’s song kept replaying in my head. I felt as though God was trying to tell me something. But what was God’s point? I think I may know the answer.

God challenges us to cast our care upon Him, for Him to take care of, for Him to handle. The sixth chapter of Matthew also commends us not to be concerned (better yet worried) about what tomorrow brings; it will have worries of its own. Instead, seek first the kingdom and his righteousness and all these things shall be added.

Lately after visiting my mother, and noticing how her brain is mixing memories with events that either happened, or they are events her mind has made up, and believing it is real and has occurred. As I walk to my car, I have had to say out loud to myself “You can’t fix this.” At the same time, I attempt to come up with some type of strategy to get my mother to see what really is reality.

  • I have tried to give her a list for her to refer to. Problem is, she doesn’t look at it.
  • I come up with a plan to talk to her about things to get her to understand what is going on; that did not work.
  • I try to offer solutions to her ‘reality’, it only makes things worse.

So today when I visited her I just listened, told her I would look into it, and when I could, I interjected a sentence or two as to what she should do. The problem with that is give it a few seconds and she is right back to saying the same thing, her unreal reality.

I left again,  walking to my car, telling myself the same thing: you can’t fix this.

So, getting back to the song, could it be what God is telling me to stop chasing the wind (the title of the song), and instead cast on Him, get Him more involved, and not worry? could it be that I should stop chasing the wind of what I perceive to be  answers to this situation? Could it be that I am so involved in my mother’s issues it messes with my getting rest, keeps me unfocused regarding what I need to do for myself, eating things I shouldn’t, in an attempt to release the internal pressure I have placed on myself? Like my mother, I may have developed some ‘reality issues’ of my own that don’t exist.

What does exist is there is a God who is still with me, full of the reality of His going to bat for me if I only relinquish what I can’t change. Like all caregivers who want the mind of their loved one suffering from dementia to return (yet knowing the disease has taken over), we must remind ourselves not to become God and solve everything, because everything we strive to do is never enough, without the involvement of God who is the Omniscient One. So, I will continue to remind myself to love my mother and do my best to care for her, and look to the hills from which cometh my help, which is from the Lord who made heaven, earth, my mother, and me. I gotta need His Love…to get me through this.

 

 

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