The peace that passeth all understanding and causes controversial decisions…

Thank God for an extra hour of sleep; it is helping me. Yesterday was full of encouragement, yet the big question mark remained: what am I to do. I purposed in my heart and mind not to attempt to solve what to do with my mother. But I at least narrowed it down: a) she is going somewhere else b) she is staying where she presently is, which is the nursing home c) she’s coming home.

Today I attempted to gather information about a). though the pictures were nice, they were all out of our price range. b) the nursing home wants everything and the kitchen sink, complete with faucets c) I need time to set things up, get help rearranging the apartment, does hers get shut down? There is not enough time…

As the day quickly rushed on, it was time to leave work and make the journey to see my mom. My stomach (which was not doing too well today, if you know what I mean) started to churn. I didn’t want to see my mother, but knew I needed to go. As I sensed my mind shift to focus on what to do, I made a choice not to go down that road. Instead, I remembered the song that had been in my head since yesterday and continued throughout today:

“Already done, this war is won, stand upon his promise, stand upon his promise…”

As I drove I prayed. God you say with man it’s impossible; with you, all things are possible. God you say now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all I could ever ask or think, according to the power that works in me. God you say to be strong and of a good courage. You say not to lean unto my own understanding but to trust you for everything…

God was in the car as I worshipped. I prayed that he would be in front and behind me, that he would be in my mother’s room before I got there, that there would be no bad attitude on my part. Before I knew it, I was at the nursing home.

I was glad my mother was in the dining room having dinner, so I told her I would wait in her room. I realized something. There was a peace I could not explain. Eventually my mother got back to the room, clear-headed, and we had good conversation. Her pastor did come yesterday and administered communion to her. She had some papers the business office gave her which she signed, but there was no one in the business office when she got there. I told to hold off giving the papers to those in the office and just keep them in the drawer. As we talked we realized we were praying for the same goals: to be patient and wait on the Lord for an answer. I told I would making a decision this week, but I didn’t want to go into detail. She actually said, “that’s okay. I wouldn’t remember anyway.” There was a trusting relationship developing between mother and daughter that I hadn’t seen in a while. I promised I would tell her more later, but I wanted her to know I was working on solutions, which she understood. We had prayer together and I left which a smile on my face for a change, instead of the usual frown that had been my facial expression for the past month.

As I left the building, I realized there was such peace deep down in my soul. Could it be I have found the answer? Could it be (given time) all this can actually work out after all? For this present time, from everything people who have been caregivers have told me (the majority of which was to keep her in the nursing home), could it be I have been given a solution that to those same persons and many others seem controversial and just plain wrong? I think so, and I know that I know it’s the right answer. Do I have all the parts of it yet? No, but I know that I have turned a corner to get on the right street called Solution.

I know you want to know what that decision is, and I promise I will tell you; just not yet. But to caregivers that read this blog, know this: though you must consider all options, go with the one that is best for your loved one. For those who are faith-based pray to God for his solution, not yours. And know also that the decision is not going to be an easy one, and be prepared in some form or another to make sacrifices for your loved one based on that decision. While all this may be controversial to many, for you it will be worth it in the end…

I’ll keep blogging, please keep reading…


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