The peace that passeth all understanding and causes controversial decisions…

Thank God for an extra hour of sleep; it is helping me. Yesterday was full of encouragement, yet the big question mark remained: what am I to do. I purposed in my heart and mind not to attempt to solve what to do with my mother. But I at least narrowed it down: a) she is going somewhere else b) she is staying where she presently is, which is the nursing home c) she’s coming home.

Today I attempted to gather information about a). though the pictures were nice, they were all out of our price range. b) the nursing home wants everything and the kitchen sink, complete with faucets c) I need time to set things up, get help rearranging the apartment, does hers get shut down? There is not enough time…

As the day quickly rushed on, it was time to leave work and make the journey to see my mom. My stomach (which was not doing too well today, if you know what I mean) started to churn. I didn’t want to see my mother, but knew I needed to go. As I sensed my mind shift to focus on what to do, I made a choice not to go down that road. Instead, I remembered the song that had been in my head since yesterday and continued throughout today:

“Already done, this war is won, stand upon his promise, stand upon his promise…”

As I drove I prayed. God you say with man it’s impossible; with you, all things are possible. God you say now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all I could ever ask or think, according to the power that works in me. God you say to be strong and of a good courage. You say not to lean unto my own understanding but to trust you for everything…

God was in the car as I worshipped. I prayed that he would be in front and behind me, that he would be in my mother’s room before I got there, that there would be no bad attitude on my part. Before I knew it, I was at the nursing home.

I was glad my mother was in the dining room having dinner, so I told her I would wait in her room. I realized something. There was a peace I could not explain. Eventually my mother got back to the room, clear-headed, and we had good conversation. Her pastor did come yesterday and administered communion to her. She had some papers the business office gave her which she signed, but there was no one in the business office when she got there. I told to hold off giving the papers to those in the office and just keep them in the drawer. As we talked we realized we were praying for the same goals: to be patient and wait on the Lord for an answer. I told I would making a decision this week, but I didn’t want to go into detail. She actually said, “that’s okay. I wouldn’t remember anyway.” There was a trusting relationship developing between mother and daughter that I hadn’t seen in a while. I promised I would tell her more later, but I wanted her to know I was working on solutions, which she understood. We had prayer together and I left which a smile on my face for a change, instead of the usual frown that had been my facial expression for the past month.

As I left the building, I realized there was such peace deep down in my soul. Could it be I have found the answer? Could it be (given time) all this can actually work out after all? For this present time, from everything people who have been caregivers have told me (the majority of which was to keep her in the nursing home), could it be I have been given a solution that to those same persons and many others seem controversial and just plain wrong? I think so, and I know that I know it’s the right answer. Do I have all the parts of it yet? No, but I know that I have turned a corner to get on the right street called Solution.

I know you want to know what that decision is, and I promise I will tell you; just not yet. But to caregivers that read this blog, know this: though you must consider all options, go with the one that is best for your loved one. For those who are faith-based pray to God for his solution, not yours. And know also that the decision is not going to be an easy one, and be prepared in some form or another to make sacrifices for your loved one based on that decision. While all this may be controversial to many, for you it will be worth it in the end…

I’ll keep blogging, please keep reading…

Addendum…

After talking for over 90 minutes yesterday with my mother about her check book, she called me early this morning and we had to go over everything again. UGGHHHH…

I wrote and posted earlier this morning before going to church. Once I got there, I was encouraged…

  • Praise and Worship: Yvonne gave a testimony of how she had a driving license for years but never drove. She felt led to get herself behind the wheel, and now she is a confident driver, even buying her own set of wheels in the process. She ended by saying “nothing is impossible with God” She also spoke of Ephesians 3:20 (now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all we could ask or think…). Sounds familiar… Later the team sung a song called Jehovah Jireh (meaning God will supply all needs).
  • Pastor Terry spoke of looking at things not from the familiar but in new and different ways, having different thoughts and being open to them.
  • friends approached me saying I will have my answer this week, and that God knows what I need. Others gave me other alternatives that could be a possible solution regarding my mother.
  • Pastor Andy assured me he would be praying for me and that I am not in this alone.

Today I feel light in my head. I not only had dinner but I could actually taste the flavor of the food for a change, a true blessing.  I am fighting internally not to mentally search for solutions, but to fully give it over to God to handle it. I admit this is hard for me to do. Between yesterday and today, I have had to verbally and out loud tell myself to stop trying to solve this by myself; that is God’s job and to trust him to present the solution to me…

 

How can you be all in when you’re all out of answers?

There  is a commercial that advertises a tutor program where one mother tells others that she has tried many things to help her son do better in school, but he was still failing. she throws her hands up and says “I’m all out of answers.”

I believe many caregivers come up with the same conclusion. Loving their loved ones the best they can, yet not understanding why dementia has made a visit to their family is challenging. There are no answers to this, and in my situation with my mother I am still trying to find those same answers, and so far I have none. What can one do when there are no answers?

In the ninth chapter of the gospel of Mark, there was a father who was all out of answers. His son was exhibiting strange behavior, and had done so since he was young. No doubt the loving father tried for years to get help for his son but to no avail. So he tried one last thing, going to Jesus for help. As it turned out someone else other than the son needed help as well: the father, who said he believed, but needed with the areas of his belief system where he didn’t believe. “Lord I believe, but help thou mine unbelief.”

This caregiver may not have known that he needed help, possibly because he was so focused on the issue of his son, searching for answers, only to discover there were answers he needed to find. Jesus told him “If you can believe, all things are possible to him that believes.” Not long thereafter the answer came regarding his son.

Though the father was all out of answers, he had enough belief left in his faith vault to act and go to Jesus, and for that I applaud him. In his tiredness, his despair, and in areas within regarding lack of belief, he went anyway, ……not knowing if anything could be done. To caregivers everywhere, and on this Sunday, if Jesus is not involved in your life, I suggest you invite him in, not just for the situation you are living in with your loved one, but for life as a whole. Be all in and ask him in.

Being all in means you admit to him you are a sinner and believe he died for you. Being all in means asking him into your life. Being all in means you no longer want to live life alone, but want Jesus to rule and reign in your life. So pray this to him, and once you do, you are in his kingdom, and heaven will be rejoicing. Find a bible believing church to join and start reading the bible and get answers to how to live this new life.

I can’t guarantee total healing for your loved one, and your situation may not improve. But one thing I can say: God promised he will not leave you nor forsake you, and you are not in this battle alone.